Outsourcing my Heart

Screen Shot 2016-03-01 at 10.56.24 PMA couple of years ago I jokingly told one of my professors that I was going to have to start expanding my boundaries when it came to finding love because my prospects here in the states were starting to get really bleak.

Well, six months ago something happened. I traveled to Iceland as a part of my second study abroad trip, and one night while randomly browsing Tinder with my roommate just to see how different it was from what I’m used to (gun toters and dead fish wielders) because the Midwest is a weird place, I came upon a match. It wasn’t long after we matched that we started to talk and get to know each other, and we both seemed to click really well. The next and last day of our stay in Iceland, my group was scheduled to go to The Blue Lagoon. Suffice to stay I stayed in the hotel to leech their internet so that I could continue to talk to this intriguing stranger, and I don’t even regret it.

This December, during my winter break I did something that I would consider an achievement and traveled to a foreign country on my own: that country being back to Iceland for a week with him. Though it was a short week, it was also one of the best weeks of my life. I met a good portion of his family, ate some traditional Icelandic food, and got to relax for a while. 

Over the duration of this relationship I’ve been sent articles from various friends and family members about the trials and tribulations that come from being in long distance relationships. While he and I have felt most of the items listed in these articles, we have also seemed to overcome most of them, at least for now. Also, there’s this funny thing called technology which allows he and I to have a better relationship than those ten years ago did that were also in LDR’s. 

Later this summer/end of the semester I’m going to Norway to participate in a four week writing course with one of my professors here at school. While I’m there (the boy) will be coming down from Sweden to meet me and take me out for my birthday and even to meet his parents while I’m there. I gotta say, I’m pretty excited for it too.

Later this month he and I will have been together for seven months and have been talking to each other for almost a year. While to most people this isn’t much of an accomplishment, it is one of my greatest accomplishments since I have been single for the past three years up until meeting him and so far it has been the most rewarding relationships that I’ve ever had, even with 3,000+ miles of ocean and some land between us.

So, yeah, I had to look outside of my own country to find love. But it’s not like it hasn’t been done before. Fate, Destiny or whatever you want to call it has a funny way of making things work out, especially for those that have started to think that they should probably start collecting cats and yarn balls. 

On Chivalry.

Chivalry isn’t dead, not really.

In fact it’s alive and well and here’s how I know.

Tonight at work I covered a shift for a friend and I came in feeling particularly drained thanks to this semester. All of a sudden I hear the distant noises of an acoustic guitar coming from one of the corridors and it was one of my (guy) friends just casually strumming his guitar. You know, how boys do and such.

All of a sudden he sits down next to the chair by my desk and starts to sing a tune that sounds oddly familiar to me but I can’t quite place it, until finally he starts to sing the chorus and I realized that it was Tom Petty’s  “Free Falling”. I don’t think that I’ve ever loved an acoustic cover of a song more than in that minute right then and there.Oh how  wrong I was, because after a short tuning after “Free Falling” he started to sing “Hurt” by Johnny Cash and I more or less melted right then and there since Johnny Cash and Tom Petty are coincidentally two of my favorite artists.

So yes, chivalry is actually alive and well, despite all of the overwhelming evidence against it in today’s ridiculous society. The secret to finding some is to know where to look. I know, I know, it’s a bit of a process. I wasn’t even expecting anything like that to happen to me tonight, but here we are.

However, when/if ever you are lucky enough to catch a glimpse of this rare bird make sure that you mentally photograph every tender moment of it. Remember everything in that moment. Everything from the color of the shirt you were wearing, what the presenter of whatever chivalrous moment you just experienced was wearing and how lucky you are to be in this moment, even if it is purely coincidental or even accidental.

Enjoy these serendipitous moments when they happen to you, because for that moment in time, no matter how long it lasts your life is a movie. Or at the very least a lot like one. Drink in the moments like these because to quote Sarah Louise Delany, “Life is short , and it is up to you to make it sweet”.

So, go forth my lovelies and be chivalrous and sweet and loving to everyone around you because everyone deserves moments like these in their life, even if for a minute.

 

2014: Now is the Time to Grab Life by the Balls

Image

 

 

I’m going to go ahead and say the thing that you aren’t exactly supposed to say about 2013; and that’s that it sucked. A big one.

With an hour and fifteen minutes until the new year begins I’m going to try to beat the clock and write that obligatory end of the year post.

I’m going to be honest and say that 2013 was not my best year, at all. Sure, there were things that  were good and made it all worthwhile. For example;

  • I met John Green and Rainbow Rowell and they are just as amazing in real life as they are on paper and on the internet.
  • I went to a Nerdfighter Meetup with some of my best friends and we rocked out to “Wrecking Ball” and other wonderful songs the entire drive down.
  • I found out that the The Fault in Our Stars movie is going to come out on my 25th birthday. So that’ll be a fun birthday. (More details about that day to come)
  • I went on a free trip to the Omaha zoo with a handful of some of the smartest and coolest kids in my school and I got to be an “on location” reporter of sorts.
  • I finally got a computer that I’ve wanted since I taught myself how to use them in the Newsroom of my school.
  • I passed my Macroeconomics class that I was sure that I was failing up until I took the final.
  • I interviewed one of my favorite people on the internet for a class project.

Other than those wonderful things I’ve fought one hell of a battle with depression and loneliness this year. I blamed my isolation on a lot of things. From my class workload to my lack of a boyfriend and to my moving into a new dorm on campus that allows me to have my own space (but looking back now those last two were a cop out).

This year I intend to actually keep my resolutions that I’ve made for the year and to expand my horizons both intellectually and travel wise. For starters, I will be going on the trip to Italy, Greece, London & Malta for conferences with my advisor and fellow Communication majors as well as my Journalism friends. I am also starting to plan my spring break, a little early I know, but it’s going to be great.  There’s a very high chance that I will get to meet my Twitter crush too while I’m there.

So since it’s officially the new year here’s my list of resolutions that I’ve actually been trying to work on all year. So this list shall just serve as a friendly reminder to myself of what they are.

  • study harder
  • have more fun
  • go to the gym and do more yoga
  • drink more water
  • drink less coffee
  • write more: in a journal as well as my blog
  • get closer to my goal GPA of a 3.0
  • eat more fruits & veggies
  • read more of the books that I own before I buy more
  • travel more
  • let love in

So yes, these goals can be reached as long as I don’t let myself turn back into the miserable bump on a log that I felt like I was over the past year. I can already tell that it’s going to be a lot of work, but it’s also going to be worth it and I know that everyone says it but, this year will be my year. I won’t settle for anything less than having almost all of it.

Happy New Year everyone. I hope your new year is wonderful and filled with extraordinary things and lots of cupcakes and wine.

Beating a Dead Horse. Thanks Twitter.

It has come to my attention that I am apparently against marriage.

I wish I had known this. Instead it was oh so kindly pointed out to me on Twitter from a former coworker.

Screen Shot 2013-12-14 at 5.13.20 PM

I’m well aware of the fact that I am/can be a little judgemental of people at times, but it’s something that I’m working on and being incessantly reminded by people like this is not something I need.

I’m also not unhappy for my friend’s that are gettng married and having babies. In fact, I’m ecstatic for them and the fact that they’ve found someone to share and build

Screen Shot 2013-12-14 at 5.13.41 PM their life with. As for me, I’m not ready for that because I’m working on making myself happy by concentrating on school and eventually my career.

I like to think to myself as an independent person. Yes, I need help as much as the next person every now and then. But when I ask for help, I get it.

Apparently just because I don’t and never really have went with the flow of what everyone else was doing with their lives makes me

Screen Shot 2013-12-14 at 5.14.10 PM

 a bad person. The person also tried to tell me that you only live once. As if I wasn’t already aware, Like, I have scars on my body from taings that almost killed me and I’ve lost more people in my life from a disease that killed at least half of family. I am more than aware that you only live once. 

I’ve covered this topic countless times in this blog, and I thought that the next time I wrote about it again that I’d have a boyfriend or something.

Which brings up another point that this lovely person assumed, “I get a sense that you’re against relationships altogether.” Actually no. I love the idea of a relationship and being equal with someone, but no, I’m definitely not against relationships. I’ve just seen some shitty ones happen to firends and family, so yes, naturally that shit scared me, So, my natural instinct is to avoid it.

Yeah, so it’s been almost been three years since I’ve had a boyfriend, who the fuck cares?

With that I am now going to get off of this stupid soap box and continue to just as they say, “do me”.

Fuck it, let’s get married!

In the grand tradition of growing up it’s no longer a strange thing for us twenty somethings to see our best friend’s from high school and/or college running off to get married or popping out babies at the speed of light. But for some of us, especially people like me, that  tend to accidentally throw our own independence and hopes and dreams into the faces of those that are hitched, it can get a little difficult to bite our tongues and not keep our comments and opinions to ourselves.

Earlier today I went to a friend of mine from high school’s bridal shower. She has a beautiful son, a great future husband (though I’ve yet to meet him), a beautiful house and an amazing and supportive family that is behind her all the way. I would be lying my ass off if I didn’t say that I was a little bit jealous of her in some ways, but all of these good things couldn’t have happened to a more deserving person.

As much as I “hate” on the whole institution of marriage and stuff I’m a total hopeless romantic that probably just has a chip on their shoulder because I haven’t been around a lot of healthy relationships in my 24 years. The evidence is shown in various facets of my life on and off line. For example, my Pinterest account has an entire board dedicated to Love alone. My Tumblr is rife with sentiments about love and a whole lot of literature related things, so clearly it’s something I really want, but it has to be with the right person.

But I digress, maybe I’m just bitter because one of my former best friend’s got married to a guy that rubs me the wrong way and she didn’t care what I thought and decided to marry the jerk anyways, and I wasn’t invited to the wedding. Probably out of fear that when the priest read the line, “if anyone objects to this marriage speak now or forever hold your peace” that I’d be that person that objected. I probably would have for the simple reason that her and I were going to do great things with our lives and not let men/boys get in the way.  Yeah, I’m a bitch. This is probably why I’m still single too. Damn that whole having standards thing!

I really do love my friend’s married, pregnant or otherwise but this whole being patient for a love of my own is making me a little antsy.Apparently the Love Bug is in the area and he hasn’t even come near me.

All I have to say is that whomever is the guy that I’m supposed to be with he better be a good one.

BEDA day 22: Raising a Middle Finger to the Outdated Patriarical Views of Society

It has been brought to my attention that I am in fact still single.  Ryan Gosling doing his thing.

Evidence A: A friend of mine texted me out of the blue the other night and after a short conversation was like ” You’re so beautiful and driven, I’m surprised you haven’t been taken off the market yet.”

My internal monologue to that semi-complimentary dig went a little like this:

“Well first…I’m not a piece of meat that some random guy can just pick up and pay a dowry for and expect great things to happen out of it. I’m also not a prize so easily won, because I am picky as fuck.”

Evidence B: A friend of mine that used to go to my school last year sent me a random late night e-mail (are you sensing a trend yet?) that said that if he wasn’t with his current girlfriend that he would “totally” date  me, and his girlfriend who I might add is the sweetest person on this green Earth.

My internal monologue to this one:

“That sounds familar…oh yeah a line very close to that was delivered to me by my now ex boyfriend last year at a bar after he had just drank an entire two pitchers worth of beer in one gulp. Way to be, asshole. My once great opinion of you now has been damaged.”

I am reminded on a near constant basis that I am not apart of a couple, some days it sucks and I get a little distraught on the inside, but that still doesn’t discourage me from attempting to ask a guy out now and then. For example, this weekend I asked a friend of mine to be my Dutch Date to go see The Great Gatsby with some friends of mine when it comes out next month. Sadly, I’m still waiting for an answer that at this point I’m just going to go ahead and take as a flat out “No”. Which kind of sucks, but it’s not the worst thing.

One day I’ll find someone that can match up to my somewhat unreasonably high standards, there is a really high chance that they aren’t going to be found where I am now. But I have short-term goals that I would like to see accomplished sooner than later and with minimal distractions bothering me so that I can make room for the long-term ones.

Besides I tend to do better on my own for the most part. I’m resourceful and I know who to call if I get myself into a pickle.

This is the part where I contradict every word that I’ve already said about being an independent, single, driven woman but at least I’m being honest, even if it is a tad confusing.  It would be great to have someone to order takeout with, get drunk with and cuddle on the couch with while watching movies. It would also be great to have someone that is almost my personal cheerleader and me their’s. I want someone to cheer for and share experiences with. I want to fall in love and be fallen in love with.

The things that I’m asking for really aren’t that much. Then again, maybe they are.

BEDA day 12: My unoriginal, but torrid love affair.

I think it’s time to come clean.

I’m in love. In love in particularly with unattainable men. Granted they are usually found in between the pages of the hundreds of books that I’ve read, but they’re still something. In my real life I also kind of tend to crush on just as unattainable men too. It’s straight up ridiculous at this point. But sometimes it’s just better this way.

Also, I realize that this is also another shitty post. I’m sorry.