Heaven is a place on Earth

My love affair with the printed word hit a new high last week when I checked out a random, yet semi-life changing, book from the local library. 

ImageThe book, My Bookstore, was staring down at me from a higher shelf and something inside of me told me to just check it out. A week later I was finished and sobbing as I closed the final pages. My Bookstore is a tome of twenty six essays from various semi well known and very well known authors in the publishing world writing about their favorite independent bookstore.  Not only was the book very well written, it was also very relatable because everyone should have a favorite bookstore somewhere. Whether it’s big box or independent the point of the book was books and reading. Some of the essays in the book range from love letters to the store owners to anecdotes that make you want to drop everything you’re doing at that moment and go to the store in question and buy up the whole lot. 

Since I’m a broke college student my imagination went into overdrive for this book because if one has imagination will travel. 

So, if you are a hankering for a good book and an experience of sorts, this is your book!

I automatically give it a 5/5 because it transports the reader to some amazing places and you don’t even have to move from your seat to go there! 

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Nora Ephron felt bad about her neck, & I feel bad about my anxiety

“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. “Blorft” is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.’ I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.”
Tina Fey, Bossypants

I have a problem. I’ll be the first to admit it too. My problem is that I have some major anxiety issues and I take it out (pretty aggressively) on my fingernails. It’s not something that I mean to do, because now it’s just become a habit whenever I’m in a super stressful situation. For example, last week my fingernails were well on their way to growing back, and then I somehow got myself into like eight stressful situations and before I knew it they were gone again.

Last night while tossing and turning in bed I decided that as soon as I can get on some decent healthcare plan that I would go see someone to help me deal with my problem(s). Sure, I could go drink my problems away, but that’s expensive and one of my stressors is my lack of  being able to find a job for the summer. So you see, it’s just one big cycle of excruciating and some times numbing pain that gets taken out on my health and (lack thereof) fingernails. Image

One of the odd things about me though is that when it comes to things like people and being at school, I have noticed that I don’t get as stressed out. For me being at my school, in my dorm room or out with friend’s or even just studying with them relaxes me and even if it’s a stressful semester or it will be I still feel more at ease there then I do at most places.

I wish that I could afford to get more help than I have been getting for my anxiety but mental health seems to be a luxury for the rich right now. But until that day comes I guess I’ll just stick with my methods and prepare for the future because I know that’s going to be stressful.

Summer, stress and getting lost in the library.

Now that it’s summer it’s time  to de-stress and lick wounds from the previous years punches and jabs. But not all of us are that lucky. This summer so far has been a stress filled one, so the wounds that I’ve been trying to heal keep cracking and bleeding.

Earlier tonight my mom and I sat  down and watched a movie together (which is something that doesn’t happen all that often. The movie was Eat, Pray, Love and yes, I was one of the naive and wishful girls that ran out and bought the book when it was released because at the time I was seeking something, I just didn’t know what exactly.

Tonight while watching the movie and explaining what little I remembered of it to my mom I had a strong desire to go find my copy and bury myself in it again and come out on the other side washed free of all of the stress and worries that I let consume me on a regular basis. To reiterate this past year at school kicked my ass all over the place. My suite-mates were ridiculous and loud and I like to be a hermit some times and lock myself away and some of my classes were stressful, but I managed to pass them by the skin of my teeth and I don’t want that to happen next year. I have a goal GPA to reach by graduation, dammit!

With all of the stress that I’ve been feeling this year it only makes sense that I would want to do something big and refreshing to prepare myself for school next year. Butttttt since I’m currently unemployed for the summer and summer classes start soon for the next eight weeks I can’t really do much except hide myself in the library and try not to feel bad for myself and live vicariously through the protagonists in my books. Although regrettably some times that’s not enough because I want to be doing the things that I read about. For example, I just finished reading Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins and even though I could tell what was going to happen in the end before I was even there I still fell in love with  every character in the book (which I think everyone has a problem of doing) and it was a bittersweet feeling to finish it.

So, in hopes of keeping my sanity intact this summer and my unemployment status changing soon I’m going to keep checking out books and even look for Eat, Pray, Love at the library because I have no idea where in my scattered across the state collection of books where my copy is and hopefully I will begin to feel a good portion of my stress lifting before school starts back up i n the fall.  If you are interested in what books I’m reading you can be my friend on Goodreads.

I think that’s all for now. I’m going to try to keep the blog updated this summer but until I get a new computer (I want a MacBook Pro) and have gas money to go to the library on a regular enough basis to write, but there’s no promises.

Here’s a little something to make your day better!

Literature Love and libraries with a side of crazy

noun, plural li·brar·ies.

1.a place set apart to contain books, periodicals, and other material for reading, viewing, listening, study, or reference, as a room, set of rooms, or building where books may be read or borrowed.
2.a public body organizing and maintaining such an establishment.
3.a collection of manuscripts, publications, and other materials for reading, viewing, listening, study, or reference.
4.a collection of any materials for study and enjoyment, as films, musical recordings, or maps.
I’ve always been a big fan of libraries, whether they are big or small, I’ll find something to love about it. I’m even working on creating my own one day in my house. Granted that’s kind of far off but the intent to follow through with it is definitely there. But I digress.
My university is lacking something in it’s library, and that my friend’s is fiction. Our fiction section is made up of three to four small “book trees” containing contemporary novels and if it’s classic literature you’re looking for, well that’s spread throughout the stacks on the second level. I don’t mind searching for a good book as much as the next person, and I don’t know if my school’s library system is just set up to make weirdos like me complain about not having literature by more literature, or what. But I’m here and I’m doing it. So, sorry.
I do realize that my school could like not have a library and that that would suck, and that I should be grateful for what we do have, and I am grateful. I just want to know the logic in it all I guess. Why not just move all of the shelves that the classics etc. are on downstairs and take a shelf of journals upstairs to be amongst the rest of them. (How crazy do I sound right now, honestly?)
I partially blame my denial of the end of the semester happening and how much I don’t want to go home yet for this and also the fact that I’m stressed out.
End rant.

BEDA day 12: My unoriginal, but torrid love affair.

I think it’s time to come clean.

I’m in love. In love in particularly with unattainable men. Granted they are usually found in between the pages of the hundreds of books that I’ve read, but they’re still something. In my real life I also kind of tend to crush on just as unattainable men too. It’s straight up ridiculous at this point. But sometimes it’s just better this way.

Also, I realize that this is also another shitty post. I’m sorry.

30 before 30: A Condensed Bucket List

As if this isn’t apparent enough I spend a lot of time on the internet. Sometimes I’m doing constructive things like just listening to music through Spotify or Pandora while I’m doing homework, but a decent amount of my time spent on the internet is usually on social media sites like Twitter, Facebook or Goodreads updating things.  But lately I’ve been spending a lot of time alone in my room overdosing on random videos on my subscription list on Youtube, and I came across a video by a girl that also happens to be friend’s with me on Goodreads. The other day while gorging myself on her videos I came across this one, and my life changed for the better.  So now I’m here to compile my list of 30 things that I want to do by the time I’m 30 years old because my 24th birthday is in a mere three and a half months. So without further ado the list begins;

  1. Start a vlog
  2. Meet John Green, Jo Rowling and Tina Fey
  3. Write a book
  4. Graduate college with honors
  5. Live in another country
  6. See the ocean
  7. Have a library of my own
  8. Fall in love
  9. Learn a new language, preferably French, and go somewhere where I can use it.
  10. Travel across Europe
  11. Own a cat
  12. Fix my relationship with some of my family members
  13. Move out of Missouri upon graduation
  14. Kiss a stranger
  15. Write a screenplay
  16. Become a publicist for a well known author
  17. Go to a location where a famous movie was shot.
  18. Work in a used bookstore
  19. Do yoga on a regular basis
  20. Make dinner and dessert for someone that I love on Valentine’s Day
  21. Go to VidCon
  22. read all of the books on my bookshelf
  23. Own an iPhone
  24. Roadtrip through the United States
  25. Have an amazing bookshelf like these
  26. See my mom and little brother’s happy
  27. Learn how to walk in heels
  28. Get better at math
  29. Grow out my fingernails
  30. See the Grand Canyon