Beating a Dead Horse. Thanks Twitter.

It has come to my attention that I am apparently against marriage.

I wish I had known this. Instead it was oh so kindly pointed out to me on Twitter from a former coworker.

Screen Shot 2013-12-14 at 5.13.20 PM

I’m well aware of the fact that I am/can be a little judgemental of people at times, but it’s something that I’m working on and being incessantly reminded by people like this is not something I need.

I’m also not unhappy for my friend’s that are gettng married and having babies. In fact, I’m ecstatic for them and the fact that they’ve found someone to share and build

Screen Shot 2013-12-14 at 5.13.41 PM their life with. As for me, I’m not ready for that because I’m working on making myself happy by concentrating on school and eventually my career.

I like to think to myself as an independent person. Yes, I need help as much as the next person every now and then. But when I ask for help, I get it.

Apparently just because I don’t and never really have went with the flow of what everyone else was doing with their lives makes me

Screen Shot 2013-12-14 at 5.14.10 PM

 a bad person. The person also tried to tell me that you only live once. As if I wasn’t already aware, Like, I have scars on my body from taings that almost killed me and I’ve lost more people in my life from a disease that killed at least half of family. I am more than aware that you only live once. 

I’ve covered this topic countless times in this blog, and I thought that the next time I wrote about it again that I’d have a boyfriend or something.

Which brings up another point that this lovely person assumed, “I get a sense that you’re against relationships altogether.” Actually no. I love the idea of a relationship and being equal with someone, but no, I’m definitely not against relationships. I’ve just seen some shitty ones happen to firends and family, so yes, naturally that shit scared me, So, my natural instinct is to avoid it.

Yeah, so it’s been almost been three years since I’ve had a boyfriend, who the fuck cares?

With that I am now going to get off of this stupid soap box and continue to just as they say, “do me”.

Advertisements

I wish I had a “person”

Meredith Grey had Christina, Lorelai had Sookie and Rory had Lane…but I feel like I have no one.

Image

At least that’s how it feels anyways. I probably do have someone that is my “person” that I can tell any and everything to, but I think that the fog of my mild depression that I fell into last year is still lingering. Even though I have my own room and am trying to do more to get involved at school this year by doing RHA and participating in our 48 hour film festival later this year but ever since I moved out of my community oriented dorm I have felt like I am missing something, even though I do work there there’s still something that feels off inside of me. I just can’t put my finger on what it is and it is killing me!

Now, I do realize that I am surrounded by a bunch of wonderful people and that I have access to resources that can help me sort my stuff out like counseling and RA’s that are supposed to be there for you, but on those tough nights where you need someone to just hold you and tell you that things will be okay, they can’t be there for you, because some are much older than you and they aren’t really your friend’s they’re your confidants.

I realize that I’m probably overexaggerating (I have a tendency to do that a lot) or that I’m probably just being a big baby, but looking back over the years of my college experience I’ve only had one really great year and that was freshmen year with a bunch of random wonderful things up until this point and I know that I need to work on making myself happy before I even begin to entertain the idea of getting into a relationship again one day and I really want to be happy. I just don’t know how to get there by myself.

“No, it’s not so bad. I’m lucky, I know. I just. . .I feel like I’m never gonna have it. . .the whole package, you know? That person, that couple life, and I swear, I hate admitting it because I fancy myself Wonder Woman, but. . .I really want it – the whole package.”

– Lorelai Gilmore (who has been like a second mother to me this week & for a good portion of my life)

What do you do when you’re feeling extremely vulnerable?

Moving on Up

Change is a good thing, but self-imposed change? Now that is a great thing.I’ve been a self- imposed changer for a good amount of my life. I think it has to do with my genetic stubbornness or something.

Next year I’m doing just that. Next year, I will be moving out of what has been my home for the past two years and in to the apartment style suites on campus with this lovely lady and two secret suite-mates. My current roommate is only in our room three days of the week because she goes home until Monday night. So I get the room to myself for a good portion of the week and I’d be lying if I told you that I wasn’t feeling a bit spoiled by it. Of course there’s a sad side to all of this because a good portion of my friend’s that I have met this year and have had for the past two years are living in my current hall. I’ll just be working here.

I think that next year with my 15 hour class load and possible freelancing for the school paper that living on my own is going to be the best thing for me. Plus, my friend and I are planning on going to the gym and doing yoga in our room/s on a semi-regular basis. So, that’s good!

At this point I really just want to move my stuff in to my room now, instead of waiting until Fall. But I guess I will have to practice patience and try to keep my mind as busy as possible as summer..

Off to study for finals and start packing now. Have a wonderful day/night everyone.

 

 

 

 

 

Blog lovin’

You look like you need some new reading material. Allow me to give you some suggestions?

I hope you like them!