(Re)-Connecting the Dots

Today I was a lady that brunched. 

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I woke up to a text message from a friend of mine that up until about three months ago I hadn’t talked to or seen in about two years asking if I wanted to meet up with her for coffee and brunch. For about five years she and I used to be the closest of friends. 

Then I got diagnosed with cancer and she got a boyfriend and our friendship slowly started to deteriorate due to our changing lives. Sure, I saw her every now and then when I wasn’t in treatment and she wasn’t with her boyfriend that she is now married to, but it wasn’t like it used to be when we went to community college for a year and then lived together for another year. 

Until today when I saw her for the first time in two years and I realized that even though our lives have significantly changed our friendship still had the ability to pick up almost right where it left off.

It was magnificent!

Most of my previous thoughts about how my married friends avoided us single folks because we make them remember that they can’t go do some of the activites that single people do anymore were actually proven wrong. In our conversation we were careful to stay off of the topic of romantic relationships and marriage as to not make each other uncomfortable or anything. 

As the day continued we went to one of our favorite stores and just walked and talked just like we used to all those wonderful years ago. 

As I was driving to the coffeehouse to meet my friend I listened to this song because even though I wasn’t trying to be pessimestic about the whole thing, I was just trying to think realisticly about it all because it had been so long since we had seen each other. 

To say the least reconnection with lost friends is actually the best thing ever. 

 

 

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Fuck it, let’s get married!

In the grand tradition of growing up it’s no longer a strange thing for us twenty somethings to see our best friend’s from high school and/or college running off to get married or popping out babies at the speed of light. But for some of us, especially people like me, that  tend to accidentally throw our own independence and hopes and dreams into the faces of those that are hitched, it can get a little difficult to bite our tongues and not keep our comments and opinions to ourselves.

Earlier today I went to a friend of mine from high school’s bridal shower. She has a beautiful son, a great future husband (though I’ve yet to meet him), a beautiful house and an amazing and supportive family that is behind her all the way. I would be lying my ass off if I didn’t say that I was a little bit jealous of her in some ways, but all of these good things couldn’t have happened to a more deserving person.

As much as I “hate” on the whole institution of marriage and stuff I’m a total hopeless romantic that probably just has a chip on their shoulder because I haven’t been around a lot of healthy relationships in my 24 years. The evidence is shown in various facets of my life on and off line. For example, my Pinterest account has an entire board dedicated to Love alone. My Tumblr is rife with sentiments about love and a whole lot of literature related things, so clearly it’s something I really want, but it has to be with the right person.

But I digress, maybe I’m just bitter because one of my former best friend’s got married to a guy that rubs me the wrong way and she didn’t care what I thought and decided to marry the jerk anyways, and I wasn’t invited to the wedding. Probably out of fear that when the priest read the line, “if anyone objects to this marriage speak now or forever hold your peace” that I’d be that person that objected. I probably would have for the simple reason that her and I were going to do great things with our lives and not let men/boys get in the way.  Yeah, I’m a bitch. This is probably why I’m still single too. Damn that whole having standards thing!

I really do love my friend’s married, pregnant or otherwise but this whole being patient for a love of my own is making me a little antsy.Apparently the Love Bug is in the area and he hasn’t even come near me.

All I have to say is that whomever is the guy that I’m supposed to be with he better be a good one.

BEDA day 8: On Metaphorical Masonry

I build walls. They are made of iron and brick and they’re very, very high.

In light of recent events those walls have been emotionally compromised and I’m shrouded in darkness. Which is a place that I don’t like to be because I’m what some would call nosy, I prefer the term intuitive.

I’ve tried to narrow down who this possible secret admirer may be, but on a campus of over 6,000 students that’s not  exactly a simple task.

Last night this post was posted on my school’s confessions Facebook page and it took me by complete surprise. I was in shock for about 14 hours.

Nicole; you are intelligent, funny, and a beautiful person inside and out. I know you always say you’re not ready to date anyone for a while but I can see all the time that you need someone to wrap their arms around you and fill you full of warmth and it kills me that I can’t be that guy for you. If that day never comes I hope that we can at least be very good friends. I know that someday you’re going to make one very lucky guy very very happy.
All that I can gather from this eloquently put post is that;
  • I obviously know them, but not that well.
  • they are super attentive and my expressive eyes are both a blessing and a curse.

Yeah, that’s all I’ve got. Hopefully this stranger will make themselves known to me before school gets out for summer vacation. Which is in a month and a half.  I’ll provide updates as they become available.

I’m scared to even consider dating again. That’s one of the main reasons why I admire the ones that I like from afar. It’s much easier that way for both parties.

BEDA day 7: What is there to say?

So it seems I have a secret admirer. That or the Universe is playing a cruel joke on a very impressionable girl.

 

Yeah, that’s really all I got today. My brain is a little discombobulated due to today’s events. Also, please spare me the “You’re being too hard on yourself” line because I’ve already told myself that about a trillion times today and it still hasn’t quite worked.

How to not be bitter on the Hallmarkiest day of the year; The Post V-Day edition

In case you missed it, yesterday was Valentine’s Day/Singles’ Awareness Day and  while I celebrated the latter while wishing all of my friend’s in relationships a great VDay. My overall goal was to not be a bitter, broke, SWF and I think that I accomplished that quite well. This is probably because I had 12+ hours of sleep the night before and I was covering shifts for two people that had plans for the day and only one class.

In an effort to keep myself busy and from drowning in a sea of hues of red and pink I made sure that I hardly sat down. For lunch I had the experience of shotgunning a bowl of Lucky Charms for the first time, and that is not something that I would recommend someone does.

All day yesterday I practiced being as kind as I could to anyone and everyone. I personally think that I did a good job, because once I was told that I made someone’s jaw drop, that wasn’t expected. Then as I was heavily procrastinating doing my laundry and showering by sitting in the lobby of my residence hall being serenaded by the soulful song bird’s of my schools acapella group a friend of mine walked up behind me and put a box of chocolates and a single red rose in my lap and then proceeded to disappear into the ether of the room.

Basically my mantra, but Hannah from Girls said it best

I hope everyone had a great Valentine’s Day, whether you are taken or not.

I’m not a girl, not yet a woman.

I’ve been in the process of reading Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (and other concerns) by Mindy Kaling in between studying for massive, mind numbing tests and writing some bad ass fake editorials for my Reporting for the Media classes fake paper and I’m finally done with it.

Tonight at work I started to read the last 70 pages, which happens to have the most ingenious title ever;  The Best Distraction in the World: Romance and Guys. As I read I realized that I am more of an adult than I previously thought I was. Why you ask? Well because the aforementioned part talked about men, as well as the term “hooking up” and how the fact that there is no cut and dry definition of the term is super irritating. Mindy also attacks one night stands with a vengeance that  I whole heartedly appreciated, because like her, I WILL not have a one night stand with someone. Mindy’s reasons for avoiding those mine fields and mine are pretty much the exact same thing which is pretty fucking awesome. I’m no  longer a weirdo!

While reading her book, I not only realized that I want to be like her as far as writing styles go (even though I’m kind of already there: see narcissistic title of this blog). I would love to write/hell I’d be happy to  just work for  an awesome television show with someone like Tina Fey. Kristin Wiig and Amy Poehler by my side to root me on, become my mentors and to be my best friends.

I also realized that I want to date a man, a stable, sturdy, independent and amazing man that even my mom will love.  But seeing as how I’m in college, and I live in a residence hall my pickings are slim. I’m not saying that I’m necessarily ready to date a man, because I’m probably not, but the things that guys do nowadays to get girls in their beds in downright nauseating. Maybe I’m a bit of a traditionalist, and I was probably reincarnated from the era where men actually wooed a girl into becoming his and kept on wooing her, but dammit I am a naive, stubborn feminist that believes in these things still and every woman deserves it!

“So I’m into men now, even though they can be frightening. I want a schedule-keeping, waking-up-early, wallet-carrying, non-Velcro-shoe-wearing man.”

― Mindy KalingIs Everyone Hanging Out Without Me 

End rant/book review/I’ve developed a new girl crush.

When the Universe speaks, you should probably listen.

“Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.”- Nathaniel Hawthorne

I think the Universe is trying to tell me something.

I think that that something in question is perhaps my lack of focus. Mainly on myself, of all things. All my life I’ve always tried to take care of others around me before I took time out to take care of the things that I need. Now that I’m in school, I feel like I can work on fixing that again, and I will.

For some reason all this semester I’ve been a tad envious of the scads of happy couples that I’ve seen around me. I’m happy for them, but yes. I am a bit bitter. Only because I want my own boyfriend. This year though, I think that the gods of Academia are working every trick in their arsenal to keep my ass single. Now that I’ve come to terms with this over the past two months, I’m 100% okay with it because I’m a busy woman and I’m not in a position to be inviting someone else into my hectic, crazy as balls life right now. This fact has actually paid off for me too, because I’m making decent grades this semester, and it’s just more motivation for me to make even better grades from here. After all, my goal is to graduate in 2.5 years with at least a 3.5 GPA.

Now, normally I’m a great juggler of all of the things that life has to throw at me. But this year and if need be, farther into the future, I’m okay with being a single girl.   However, the hopeless romantic/semi-needy and affectionate side of me is going to be a bitch to keep tame but I’ve worked through it before, I can do it some more.

So, the moral of the story boys and girls is simply this: just because everyone around you is doing something, it does not mean that you need to conform and do the same thing they are. If your single, embrace the shit out of it while you can because there will come a time when you will no longer be and you will wish that you are again. Take care of yourself first and don’t become a sheep, and once you learn to love yourself then someone, the right one, will find you and will love you more than you can even imagine.