Feelin’ the Burn

Based on the title you probably thought that this post was going to be about catching an STD or working out and I’m sorry to disappoint you but it’s only about one of those things, kind of.

With the first two weeks of this academic year almost behind me I’d be lying  through my teeth if I told you that I wasn’t stressed out yet. I’m the silly putty that can no longer be stretched, the taffy that is pulled as thin as a wire, the rubber band that can has lost it’s elasticity. I think you get the point.

Image (an approximate picture of how much coffee I’ve ingested so far)

This year I promised myself that I was going to start taking a more proactive approach to my physical fitness. I even dug out my yoga mat and dvd for crying out loud! Yet, I still have yet to actually use it because my schedule is crazy and I haven’t had a second to manage my time properly. So that’s one issue that I will be working on this year for sure.

I digress. So far this semester where I have missed feeling the burn through physical exercise I have been feeling it in my fingertips. I’ve made up for all of that by sacrificing my fingerprints to the coffee gods instead. Yes, I am the sterotypical college student that ingests more coffee than water and still doesn’t ever feel entirely awake. Woe is me. My fingertips have also been in pain because taking notes for five classes is a workout in and of itself.

As the year progresses my major goals are to pass my classes (obviously), start eating better and to start doing more positive things like not drinking as much coffee as I do right now but we’ll see how that goes and to start working out.  So, at least they’re attainable?

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That Cliche Introspective Back-to-School Post

Screen Shot 2013-08-26 at 4.16.35 PMThis video is both scary and smart in all of it’s truthiness regarding higher education and it’s ridiculous costs. Especially since this semester my finances have taken a significant shot to the face and the school year hasn’t even started yet.

A small part of me is really nervous about  this coming semester because of my class load, my sudden loss of some hours at work and the fact that I am not “rolling in the dough”  in any remote sense of the word and it is both humanizing and mildly humiliating, but I’ve continued to surround myself with friend’s , family and academic resources that can help me to make it through this tolling semester with ease and some clarity.

This year I’m going to attempt to make my education my “boyfriend” again like I had originally had planned for my first year (which was two and a half years ago) until I met someone who later became my boyfriend and it all blew up in my face at the end of the year because  I put too much pressure on myself to spin all of the plates while he did nothing. But this post isn’t about him.

So, today was the first day and even though I’ve only had two out of my five classes they were pretty bearable despite how much I was worried about them being excruitiatingly bad. Remember when you are going in to take your drivers license test (or any test really) & you’re psyching yourself up for it so much worrying that you’re going to mess up everything and then you get into the test and you find out that you pass it? Well, that’s kind of how I feel like this semeter is going to go for me. Which is a great thing because I tend to put more pressure on myself than is really necessary and then it bogs me down and shit happens and it never ends well. So right now I’m going to vow to not let myself get bogged down with all of the useless crap that surrounds me and to not put more than a necessary amount of pressure on myself to succeed this year because eventuallly things will work themselves out.

With that I will end this rambling post and start doing my homework.

Have a wonderful year everyone (whether you’re in school or working your big kid job already)

Nora Ephron felt bad about her neck, & I feel bad about my anxiety

“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. “Blorft” is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.’ I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.”
Tina Fey, Bossypants

I have a problem. I’ll be the first to admit it too. My problem is that I have some major anxiety issues and I take it out (pretty aggressively) on my fingernails. It’s not something that I mean to do, because now it’s just become a habit whenever I’m in a super stressful situation. For example, last week my fingernails were well on their way to growing back, and then I somehow got myself into like eight stressful situations and before I knew it they were gone again.

Last night while tossing and turning in bed I decided that as soon as I can get on some decent healthcare plan that I would go see someone to help me deal with my problem(s). Sure, I could go drink my problems away, but that’s expensive and one of my stressors is my lack of  being able to find a job for the summer. So you see, it’s just one big cycle of excruciating and some times numbing pain that gets taken out on my health and (lack thereof) fingernails. Image

One of the odd things about me though is that when it comes to things like people and being at school, I have noticed that I don’t get as stressed out. For me being at my school, in my dorm room or out with friend’s or even just studying with them relaxes me and even if it’s a stressful semester or it will be I still feel more at ease there then I do at most places.

I wish that I could afford to get more help than I have been getting for my anxiety but mental health seems to be a luxury for the rich right now. But until that day comes I guess I’ll just stick with my methods and prepare for the future because I know that’s going to be stressful.

Summer, stress and getting lost in the library.

Now that it’s summer it’s time  to de-stress and lick wounds from the previous years punches and jabs. But not all of us are that lucky. This summer so far has been a stress filled one, so the wounds that I’ve been trying to heal keep cracking and bleeding.

Earlier tonight my mom and I sat  down and watched a movie together (which is something that doesn’t happen all that often. The movie was Eat, Pray, Love and yes, I was one of the naive and wishful girls that ran out and bought the book when it was released because at the time I was seeking something, I just didn’t know what exactly.

Tonight while watching the movie and explaining what little I remembered of it to my mom I had a strong desire to go find my copy and bury myself in it again and come out on the other side washed free of all of the stress and worries that I let consume me on a regular basis. To reiterate this past year at school kicked my ass all over the place. My suite-mates were ridiculous and loud and I like to be a hermit some times and lock myself away and some of my classes were stressful, but I managed to pass them by the skin of my teeth and I don’t want that to happen next year. I have a goal GPA to reach by graduation, dammit!

With all of the stress that I’ve been feeling this year it only makes sense that I would want to do something big and refreshing to prepare myself for school next year. Butttttt since I’m currently unemployed for the summer and summer classes start soon for the next eight weeks I can’t really do much except hide myself in the library and try not to feel bad for myself and live vicariously through the protagonists in my books. Although regrettably some times that’s not enough because I want to be doing the things that I read about. For example, I just finished reading Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins and even though I could tell what was going to happen in the end before I was even there I still fell in love with  every character in the book (which I think everyone has a problem of doing) and it was a bittersweet feeling to finish it.

So, in hopes of keeping my sanity intact this summer and my unemployment status changing soon I’m going to keep checking out books and even look for Eat, Pray, Love at the library because I have no idea where in my scattered across the state collection of books where my copy is and hopefully I will begin to feel a good portion of my stress lifting before school starts back up i n the fall.  If you are interested in what books I’m reading you can be my friend on Goodreads.

I think that’s all for now. I’m going to try to keep the blog updated this summer but until I get a new computer (I want a MacBook Pro) and have gas money to go to the library on a regular enough basis to write, but there’s no promises.

Here’s a little something to make your day better!

Literature Love and libraries with a side of crazy

noun, plural li·brar·ies.

1.a place set apart to contain books, periodicals, and other material for reading, viewing, listening, study, or reference, as a room, set of rooms, or building where books may be read or borrowed.
2.a public body organizing and maintaining such an establishment.
3.a collection of manuscripts, publications, and other materials for reading, viewing, listening, study, or reference.
4.a collection of any materials for study and enjoyment, as films, musical recordings, or maps.
I’ve always been a big fan of libraries, whether they are big or small, I’ll find something to love about it. I’m even working on creating my own one day in my house. Granted that’s kind of far off but the intent to follow through with it is definitely there. But I digress.
My university is lacking something in it’s library, and that my friend’s is fiction. Our fiction section is made up of three to four small “book trees” containing contemporary novels and if it’s classic literature you’re looking for, well that’s spread throughout the stacks on the second level. I don’t mind searching for a good book as much as the next person, and I don’t know if my school’s library system is just set up to make weirdos like me complain about not having literature by more literature, or what. But I’m here and I’m doing it. So, sorry.
I do realize that my school could like not have a library and that that would suck, and that I should be grateful for what we do have, and I am grateful. I just want to know the logic in it all I guess. Why not just move all of the shelves that the classics etc. are on downstairs and take a shelf of journals upstairs to be amongst the rest of them. (How crazy do I sound right now, honestly?)
I partially blame my denial of the end of the semester happening and how much I don’t want to go home yet for this and also the fact that I’m stressed out.
End rant.

Get me some sunglasses, because my future looks bright! BEDA: day 3

My day has been literally electrifying. Like, I accidentally electrocuted myself this morning plugging my phone charger into the wall.

My day started off like any other; stressing about school work and a test that I had on Monday that I’m really hoping I didn’t fail because I studied for it. Among my current list of stress inducing things was my interview to be an RA last week. The e-mails were sent out this morning and I was so nervous to open it that I asked one of my professor’s and friend’s to open to take off some of the sting. Looking back now my fear was for nothing because I have been chosen as an alternate.

Today, one of my close friend’s that just recently had a beautiful baby boy brought him to the newsroom when I was in there checking my e-mail, and while I’m not the biggest fan of babies, her son was an exception. Another fun development for the summer is in the works with my friend is possibly in order, but all of that information is currently under wraps until the Public Relations firm that my friend is working with right now okays my tagging along.

As the semester comes to a close and I start compiling mountains of research for my last two papers for my Communication classes and marking up my books for the last three tests I’ve started to notice something. I’m becoming quite the perfectionist, which is a good thing and a bad thing because I don’t know if I could handle that type of pressure on myself. In the long run I think that this newly realized whatever you want to call it is going to be a good thing, especially for a PR professional.